Well, fear's sort of an odd thing.

When I was in residency my first solo procedure was a spinal surgery on a sixteen year old kid, a girl.

And at the end, after thirteen hours, I was closing her up and I,

I accidentally ripped her dural sac, shredded the base of the spine where all the nerves come together, membrane as thin as tissue.

And so it ripped open and the nerves just spilled out of her like angel hair pasta, spinal fluid flowing out of her

and I... and the terror was just so crazy.

So real. And I knew I had to deal with it. So I just made a choice.

I'd let the fear in, let it take over, let it do its thing, but only for five seconds, that's all I was going to give it.

So I started to count: one, two, three, four, five. Then it was gone.

I went back to work, sewed her up and she was fine.